The Start of My Journey

My journey with infertility started in April of 2017. After two (wonderful) years of marriage, my husband and I decided that we were ready to take on parenthood. We have been together for 10+ years but we decided to wait until we were actually ready to have a child. I will tell you, it is such an exciting feeling to decide to have a child with the person you love. I don’t mean decide to have a child because your best friend had one or because you want to be pregnant before 35 or because you don’t want a huge age gap between your other children. I mean to sit down with your spouse and decide that you are both truly ready for a child (mentally, physically, and financially), that is the best feeling.

I remember the exact date we “tried” for the first time. I picked April because I wanted a January baby (how naive I was to think it would be so easy).  In the weeks following that date, I was on cloud nine. I looked at pregnancy announcements on Pinterest, I started a baby name list, I day dreamed about gender reveal parties, I followed every smocked clothing website under the sun. I also did what any woman in this position would do, I interpreted every.single.symptom as a pregnancy symptom. Headache? Pregnant! Stomach hurt? Pregnant!  I remember feeling emotional during an episode of Boy Meets World and immediately thinking, “that’s it! I’m pregnant!”. I remember telling my husband one afternoon that I didn’t feel well so I was going to pick up a pizza for dinner; His response was “do you feel pregnant???” (the excitement in his voice would later haunt me)

Unfortunately, that cloud nine feeling only lasted a few weeks. I told myself I was not going to test until I was a week late. I had never taken a pregnancy test before in my life but a quick google search told me that certain test could tell you a few days before your missed period. I was so excited that I ran to the store and bought $30 in pregnancy tests.  I waited until two days before my period was supposed to start to take a test. I knew I had to take it first thing in the morning so I set my alarm and went to bed. I ended up waking up at 4 am and I was so excited I couldn’t go back to sleep. I tip toed to the bathroom and took the test. It was a big fat negative. I didn’t freak out when the test was negative, I just told myself I was silly for listening to google and I needed to wait until a few days after my missed period to get an accurate reading. Before I could test again, my period came. Again, i didn’t freak out. I told myself that we must have just missed my ovulation window this time. This cycle went on for 4 months before I began to worry.

I saw my OBGYN and told him that we had decided to have a baby. He told me that since my cycles are irregular (that’s a whole other story), I would need to try Clomid. Clomid is an oral medication that helps stimulate ovulation. This medication would help me narrow down my ovulation window so we don’t miss it. I took the doctors advice and tried Clomid. I was nervous about taking Clomid but I was excited at the same time. I just knew this time I was really going to be pregnant. A few weeks and negative pregnancy tests later, we discovered the Clomid didn’t work.

Since then, I have tried month after month with no positive result. I have tracked every cycle, every symptom, every intercourse date, and still nothing. I have researched infertility and ways to help naturally and none of those have worked either. I have tried every crazy recommendation on the internet (eating ridiculous amounts of pineapple, holding your legs in the air, drinking coconut water, etc.) and still no baby.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step- Lao Tzu

Advertisements

Published by

Journey Through The Storm

My journey through the storm of infertility

6 thoughts on “The Start of My Journey”

  1. Welcome to the club! It’s a terrible club to be in, but here we are. We are in the same boat in that we’ve both been trying for a long time without any result, miscarriage or not (not that it undermines others who have had miscarriages— it’s just that we’ve both been through the same thing.)

    Do you have access to clinics? How irregular are your cycles?

    Like

    1. My first clinic appointment is next month. My cycles are so different, I think that’s what frustrates me the most. I will start on the 4th of the month two months in a row and then I won’t start again until the end of following month. Sometimes my cycles last 4 days and sometimes they last three weeks. I am unable to really pinpoint a correct cycle length to help determine ovulation. 😭

      Like

  2. I wish neither of us were going through this, but it is definitely helpful to go through it together! Could totally relate to the torture of symptom spotting…Thanks for sharing your story!

    Like

  3. Thank you for liking some of my more recent posts so you know now that I have a son. He is an incredible blessing that took more than twenty years of infertility struggles. Doctor after doctor visits. Going through treatments and losing my first baby to reach. After the loss of my first baby and the devastation that followed I now have my son. Still I walk in my heart and soul with those who continue to struggle. I am here and I welcome reading your blog. Know that I have been there and am always open to talk of my struggles both through infertility and my journey now as a single mother. I am hear and always an open ear to talk to💖

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s