My journey with infertility started in April of 2017. After two (wonderful) years of marriage, my husband and I decided that we were ready to take on parenthood. We have been together for 10+ years but we decided to wait until we were actually ready to have a child. I will tell you, it is such an exciting feeling to decide to have a child with the person you love. I don’t mean decide to have a child because your best friend had one or because you want to be pregnant before 35 or because you don’t want a huge age gap between your other children. I mean to sit down with your spouse and decide that you are both truly ready for a child (mentally, physically, and financially), that is the best feeling.
I remember the exact date we “tried” for the first time. I picked April because I wanted a January baby (how naive I was to think it would be so easy). In the weeks following that date, I was on cloud nine. I looked at pregnancy announcements on Pinterest, I started a baby name list, I day dreamed about gender reveal parties, I followed every smocked clothing website under the sun. I also did what any woman in this position would do, I interpreted every.single.symptom as a pregnancy symptom. Headache? Pregnant! Stomach hurt? Pregnant! I remember feeling emotional during an episode of Boy Meets World and immediately thinking, “that’s it! I’m pregnant!”. I remember telling my husband one afternoon that I didn’t feel well so I was going to pick up a pizza for dinner; His response was “do you feel pregnant???” (the excitement in his voice would later haunt me)
Unfortunately, that cloud nine feeling only lasted a few weeks. I told myself I was not going to test until I was a week late. I had never taken a pregnancy test before in my life but a quick google search told me that certain test could tell you a few days before your missed period. I was so excited that I ran to the store and bought $30 in pregnancy tests. I waited until two days before my period was supposed to start to take a test. I knew I had to take it first thing in the morning so I set my alarm and went to bed. I ended up waking up at 4 am and I was so excited I couldn’t go back to sleep. I tip toed to the bathroom and took the test. It was a big fat negative. I didn’t freak out when the test was negative, I just told myself I was silly for listening to google and I needed to wait until a few days after my missed period to get an accurate reading. Before I could test again, my period came. Again, i didn’t freak out. I told myself that we must have just missed my ovulation window this time. This cycle went on for 4 months before I began to worry.
I saw my OBGYN and told him that we had decided to have a baby. He told me that since my cycles are irregular (that’s a whole other story), I would need to try Clomid. Clomid is an oral medication that helps stimulate ovulation. This medication would help me narrow down my ovulation window so we don’t miss it. I took the doctors advice and tried Clomid. I was nervous about taking Clomid but I was excited at the same time. I just knew this time I was really going to be pregnant. A few weeks and negative pregnancy tests later, we discovered the Clomid didn’t work.
Since then, I have tried month after month with no positive result. I have tracked every cycle, every symptom, every intercourse date, and still nothing. I have researched infertility and ways to help naturally and none of those have worked either. I have tried every crazy recommendation on the internet (eating ridiculous amounts of pineapple, holding your legs in the air, drinking coconut water, etc.) and still no baby.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step- Lao Tzu