Timed Intercourse-Cycle One

Timed intercourse….sounds romantic huh? This is our first timed intercourse cycle. We had to cancel last month’s cycle because of my HSG results. Thankfully, my MRI results confirmed that I was cleared to continue with fertility treatments.

Today is cycle day 14 for me! Which means my morning started out with an ultrasound and lab work at the fertility clinic. My ultrasound showed that I have THREE follicles that are ready (thanks to the letrozole I took last week). The doctor sent us home with orders to “get busy” everyday for the next three days! Her last words were “I hope you are okay with twins.”

I left there feeling positive about this cycle, but I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up! I have to remind myself that the heartbreak will be so much worse if I get my hopes up. I hate to be negative Nancy but I feel like I should expect this cycle to fail just to protect my emotions.

I go back next Friday to check my progesterone and then on the 28th for my pregnancy test. If this cycle doesn’t work, we will repeat it next month and add a trigger shot.

Of all the two week waits I have had so far, I feel like this will be the longest. Of all the negative pregnancy tests I have taken so far, I feel like this will be the hardest. With PCOS, I have never been able to accurately pin point my ovulation date, I have always felt like we were just guessing. I have always assumed that is the main reason I have never been pregnant. This cycle is different because we know ovulation is going to happen in the next few days and we know when to “get busy”. If the doctor confirms I ovulated this cycle and still didn’t get pregnant, it will be a hard pill for me to swallow.

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MRI Results

I went for my (first ever) MRI on Friday. The MRI was of the pelvis (with and without contrast). For more details on why I needed an MRI, please read my last blog post about my HSG results.

The nurse called me today to tell me that I do not have a uterine septum or a bicornuate uterus! The nurse said I had a slight arch (mild arcuate) but nothing that should effect my ability to conceive. The doctor signed off on my results and gave us the go ahead to start our next “timed intercourse” cycle with a trigger shot!

A List of Things Preventing Me From Getting Pregnant

Do you ever feel like every thing that could go wrong, is going wrong? Like the universe is working against you?

A list of things currently working against us becoming parents: PCOS, a uterus abnormality, low vitamin d, thyroid issues, low motility, and low morphology. The majority of these issues were just diagnosed in the last month. It has been an overwhelming few weeks, to say the least.

We are working with so many issues, I often wonder how we will ever make this work?

“Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you.”-Arnold Palmer

Bi-corn What? (HSG Results)

Today was CD 14 and I was scheduled to have lab work to check for ovulation and a trigger shot if the follicles were ready. The ultrasound tech told me that I had one follicle that was 1.4MM and I would probably come back for my trigger on Friday. I got so excited knowing that this could be our month.

Our plan quickly changed when the doctor came in to tell me the results of my HSG test.

“Well, the good news is, your tubes aren’t blocked. The bad news is, we suspect you have either a bicornuate uterus or a uterine septum.”

A bi-corn what?! I have never heard of this until today but apparently it means you have a heart shaped uterus. Women with this condition have an increased risk of recurrent miscarriages and a higher rate of preterm delivery. The bicornuate uterus is not usually something that can be fixed.

A uterine septum means you have a “wall” splitting your uterus in two. Women with a uterine septum have an increased risk of infertility (shocker) and miscarriage. The uterine septum is removable with surgery.

I will have an MRI in a few weeks to determine which issue I have and we will go from there. Needless to say, this month’s timed intercourse cycle was cancelled (which means I took those crazy hormone meds for nothing 😭)

I know that it is not impossible to conceive with these abnormalities but pairing an abnormal uterus with PCOS can’t be a good combo. My heart is broken.

Uterine septum

Bicornuate uterus

Yesterday Was Hard

Yesterday was a really hard day. I was sitting in the outpatient surgery center waiting to be called back for my (dreaded) HSG test, when I received a text from a close friend who just found out she was pregnant. I am extremely happy for her, but I didn’t expect to receive the news at a moment like that (she has no idea I am TTC).

Shortly after I received her message, the nurse called me back for the HSG. I changed into the hospital gown and laid on that cold, hard table in the X-ray room. The moment I laid down, the tears started to flow. All I could think about were the other women who have had to do this test. All I could think about were the women who conceived so easily, they never had to do this test. The nurse tried to cheer me up by jokingly saying “most people don’t usually cry until the doctor comes in.” I couldn’t even speak. I just continued to cry. I cried through the whole exam. I cried all the way home. I cried for me and I cried for you. I cried for every woman who has ever had to experience this.

The HSG test was awful. The doctor had to insert the catheter three times and the specs twice (because they came out). It was so uncomfortable that I told the doctor if the 3rd catheter didn’t work, I wanted to just stop the exam. I physically could not continue the test. Thankfully, the 3rd time worked and within 60 seconds I was done. The HSG wouldn’t have been so painful to me if they would have only had to do those things one time. The specs/catheter coming out turned my 2 minute test into 15 minutes of torture.

“Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t. It isn’t in my blood.”- Shawn Mendes

A Baby or Chocolate Cake?

On the way to the fertility clinic last week, I started to wonder if I am doing everything I can to help me get pregnant. I know the fertility clinic is doing everything they can, but am I?

This lead me to realize that I am not. I know that people with PCOS should avoid sugar, carbs, and processed foods and guess what I eat every.single.day? Sugar, carbs, and processed foods. Do I want a baby as much as I want that piece of chocolate cake? We are about to find out.

I have decided to start a low carb/keto diet on Monday. I have done keto before and lost about 20 lbs in a month. I didn’t stick to the diet because I was only doing it to lose a few lbs (and I succeeded). This time, I am doing it for my fertility. I refuse to stop until I succeed. I am determine to make low carb a way of life for at least the next 6 months-a year. It may not cure my infertility, but it dang sure won’t hurt it.

Why am I paying the fertility clinic thousands of dollars to help me get pregnant if I am not going to try everything in my power to help them succeed?

Wish me luck! Please comment with any of your favorite low carb/keto recipes!

Someone Who Doesn’t Deserve a Baby

I will never understand why God gives babies to people who don’t deserve them. Throughout this journey, I have connected with hundreds of women who are desperate to be a mother. Instead of giving these women a baby to love and cherish, God gives a baby to someone like this??

I try really hard to not be angry with God about infertility but how can you not be angry when you see something like this?

I will never understand why people like this are given the opportunity to be a mother but I am not.

When I read this article tonight, I prayed that God would help me understand why he gives a baby to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I prayed this because let’s face it, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

http://www.crimeonline.com/2018/07/14/mom-agrees-to-sell-2-year-old-daughter-into-prostitution-promises-man-sex-with-toddler-for-1200/

http://www.crimeonline.com/2018/07/15/11-week-old-boy-dies-after-through-breast-milk-cops/mom-transfers-meth-other-drugs-

http://www.crimeonline.com/2018/07/12/mom-who-couldnt-remember-where-she-left-her-baby-boy-faces-manslaughter-charges-after-infant-found-dead-in-woods/

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand”